Best Intensions

An Essayette for your Thursday:

An Essayette for your Thursday:

Today I am admiring the Cebu Blue Pothos climbing along my greige bedroom wall. While I sit here, trying to force my fingers to write something, because that is what I told myself I would do with this year. I wouldn't get another 9 to 5, I'd sit down, in this space, and make writing happen. It is cozy here. In my bedroom with the greige walls and the Cebu Blue Pothos, creeping over my door. Quite in spite of me, I must add, because I forget to refill the little glass water bubble that slowly drips into the dirt as it dries. But that is why I enjoy plants the way I do, I like the surprise of the hardy ones. It’s never the ones I expect. I tend so carefully, with all my affection, and the rumored hardiest wilt, then I get distracted from my nurturing by things like my human children, and bills, and getting more almond milk, and willing myself to become a successful writer right now and I come back a few weeks later to find the "least of these" outstretched toward the sun, nearly doubled in size, with the air of an ardent toddler who shouts “I can dood it mys self!” Then proceeds to shock you by actually dooding it themselves. Oh… you didn’t need my intervention? How odd.

Anyway, while researching the best ways to fertilize my Cebu Blue Pothos this morning (instead of writing) - because surely I should be doing something more than I am with it, shouldn’t I? - I realized that by keeping the Cebu Blue in my house, I’ve limited it to its juvenile form. I didn’t even know it had more than one form! There are two growth phases of the Cebu Blue Pothos: juvenile, and mature. The latter has leaves BIGGER THAN MY HEAD with separations like a giant’s hand with fingers splayed, the negative spaces making their own separately beautiful shape. That is to say, the leaves split in interesting ways. While the one currently climbing from the pot on my bookshelf over my TV and across my bedroom wall has leaves about the size of my thumb and just one flat piece.

My best intentions for growing things can be like that. Researching, creating my attempts at the most nurturing spaces, and tending. So much tending. Possibly over-tending. I probably should get back to writing. "Distractions are plentiful", they say. Though it’s so much more, isn’t it?

I hope you’re well, B

PS. Tomorrow (Friday) I am sending out my first Friday newsletter in a series I’m putting together called ‘Glimmers’ with a round up of things that caught my attention, added joy or hope to my life this week, or made me think. I hope it’s an ongoing source of delight. Make sure you’re subscribed if you aren’t already to get it emailed directly to you.

PPS. here’s a mature Cebu Blue Pothos for your visual enjoyment:

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